An Open Letter to Male Pick up ‘Artists’

Dear PUA,

I hate you. Most women hate you. Those that don’t hate you probably haven’t met you yet and simply don’t know that they hate you, but they do; because you’re a gross man-child who believe that ‘men’s rights’ need to exist and uses the word desire freely in sentences. Please, please, please stop using the word desire, “I desire you.” is quite possibly one of the creepiest things a man can say to a woman and it makes us wonder if we should have bought that mace on Ebay after all.

Now it’s not that I think you’re a bad person, you probably just got confused along the way, maybe a couple of women rejected you and someone told you that you need to stand up for yourself and be aggressive and dominant ALL. THE. TIME. But you don’t, you don’t even have to be dominant half of the time, in fact you can just be yourself; you’ll find a girl that is right for you, who’s interested in you and  it won’t be because of a persona you cooked up because a half wit on the interwebs told you too.

But here’s where we have a problem, now you’re the half wit, and you’re going out there telling men that they should just take a girl home and put their cock in her hand, telling other innocent gents to act like this man and you’re putting women down as sluts that just need, to paraphrase Kevin Smith, a good deep dicking.  And none of that is cool, literally none of it.

Women are not your playthings and your ‘game’ is shooting you in the foot; we’re all standing over in the corner of the bar mocking you and wondering where you could have possibly learned that behaviour.

Next time you think about giving advice to an impressionable young man think twice, think about your mother or your sister or a girl who once smiled at you for no reason at all but THINK before you tell a man that it’s OK to; “Decide that you’re going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don’t ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances.…” Because that advice is wrong, wrong, wrong. Seriously WRONG. What are you thinking? Pick her up? Do you know how many women like to be picked up by strangers in bars? Exactly none of them. Also the Santa Claus fetish is so 1999. Come on get with the times.

I’m tired of seeing you share your ill fated advice with the world, I’m tired of hearing you shame all the women of Toronto because they didn’t fall for your bullshit game and you had to go home and spend the night with your hand (again) but most of all I’m tired of the utter lack of respect for your fellow person – we are all human beings and we all deserve an equal level of respect. Sidebar: Did you know that if you’re nice, funny, entertaining and not a sleezeball, oozing cheese all over our super cute shoes we might actually be more inclined to hang out with you more than once?  Being genuine is cool and it works. Also bow-ties, bow-ties are cool.

Instead of thinking up ways to, ‘up your game’ maybe you should just have a conversation with someone, without pushing your groin up against them so that they can ‘feel your erection.’ Because these real men you’re so desperate to be… they know how to talk to women without checking r/seduction first.

Best of luck to you all.

Love,

Shan

  One thought on “An Open Letter to Male Pick up ‘Artists’

  1. the real olive
    June 20, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    bow ties are indeed cool. stetsons not so much. and i love this post! thanks!

  2. June 20, 2013 at 8:40 pm

    That “15 Reasons Why Toronto Is The Worst City In North America For Men” is one of the, if not THE most ridiculous things I’ve ever read.

    Good on you for saying something about this nonsense!

  3. June 20, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    That “15 Reasons Why Toronto Is The Worst City In North America For Men” article is one of the, if not THE most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read.

    Good on you for saying something about this nonsense!!

  4. June 20, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    What you describe is a jackass or a tool, not a pickup artist. The guy who wrote that book is an idiot. Real pickup artists (not the ones who teach manipulation) try to teach confidence. Telling people to just be yourself and be funny and interesting, doesn’t work when you don’t know how to approach people, and when you are unfamiliar with most acceptable social cues, because you’ve been too shy (or even introverted) to take your chances and approach that girl who just smiled at you, and all because you lack the experience necessary. For introverts, it’s just something you don’t do, unless it’s through a friend, etc.

    You make talking to people sound easy, when in reality, meeting women is not easy when you don’t have the proper avenues to do so, such as if you don’t like hooking up in bars, or if you’re done school and can only meet people through friends or work. Many individuals find it uncomfortable to approach a woman on the bus, and they think it’s not appropriate based on the many various complaints they hear or read. And don’t get me started on internet dating, which is essentially just a meat market where everyone objectifies each other, and where for every woman there are at least seven plus men messaging her daily and she has the pick of the litter.

    So learning how to talk to women or people in general, is an important skill to learn. A long time ago, school used to have character building classes. They don’t have those anymore. Men discussing with other men their stories and trying out or asking of various ways to make someone interested in them, in a world where many women have plenty of options and expectations (at least in the western world), is not as bad as you make it out to be. And until there are other avenues to learn how to talk to women, these books and the people who write them, will always exist. It’s a big market. Everyone wants to be happy and/or find someone special, and there are those willing to take advantage of it, like that tool you mentioned. At the same time, that doesn’t mean it’s the same for every one. When I talk to other guys about this stuff, I won’t ever teach them how to just get laid. And if they want that, they can go somewhere else.

    In the end, it’s the reader’s job to make the best judgement with what they take away from it all. And that also means ignoring those, like that guy, who think they know what they’re talking about and who have probably not had a real, genuine relationship their whole life.

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