Naming my dog was Easier

There is nothing on this planet that will make you realize exactly how many people you’ve held grudges against like trying to pick a name for your kid. Mackenzie? Nah, she was a little snot. Thomas? I dated a Tomas once, that’s a hard no. Also, Matt and James for the same reasons. One of my best friends dated an Ian, he cheated on her. So, that’s out. Do I even like the name Ian? No, not really. Art? Ugh, I know an Art and he’s just a garbage person. Naming a human is hard work.

My dog came from a rescue (shout out Loyal Rescue) so he already had a name and since I liked it, I kept it. Jersey suits him perfectly anyway. But this little nugget I’m growing over here? They aren’t going to come out with a name and I doubt my OB is going to be willing to do it for me. Maybe I could ask the nurse what their favourite name is?

This is especially hard because my partner is insisting that we don’t find out the sex of the baby, which I can’t fight him on for a couple of reasons; 1) He’s absolutely right, I would tell everyone and someone would tell him and 2) Literally any argument I have makes me sound like a hypocrite.

I picked a name for a girl a while ago inspired by three strong people in our families but for boy’s names? We have two names (maybe three?) that feel like they could be our babies’ name. Mostly the process right now just involves me making what amounts to ridiculous suggestions and then toppling over on the couch in giggles – don’t judge me, I can’t drink, and we aren’t allowed to see friends, I have to find my joy somewhere. For some reason, Sheldon doesn’t think that Fox is a good name. Fox Levine, I dig it.

A couple of weeks ago while watching Bob’s Burgers I suggested Gene (you know because Gene) but my WWE loving boyfriend immediately turned it into, “Mean Gene Levine!” Which, while hilarious is probably not the best name for the as-yet-unnamed nugget. I don’t know if hilarious to mom and dad is a great barometer when it comes to naming your child, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t. Maybe ask the girl formerly known as Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii (she sued her parents).

Picking a name is intense business. How do I know if we’re picking the right one? What if they hate their name? What if we pick a name and it turns out it’s also the name of a serial killer that wasn’t popular enough to be covered by a true crime podcast yet? Remington is on a lot of lists, is this the fault of Americans? Are people naming their babies after guns? Or did all the other millennials discover Remington Steele and say to themselves, “Yep, that is who I’m going to name my baby after.”

How did you pick your kids’ name? How did your parents pick your name? Is there a secret baby naming fairy I can call? Any help is so appreciated.

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